1 00:00:06,354 --> 00:00:07,703 The 1980s was all about 2 00:00:07,790 --> 00:00:09,618 "The Sally Jessy Raphael Show." 3 00:00:09,705 --> 00:00:11,881 She was a white lady with three names, 4 00:00:11,968 --> 00:00:14,144 two shoulder pads, and one concept-- 5 00:00:14,231 --> 00:00:17,756 worrying people about nothing. 6 00:00:17,843 --> 00:00:19,106 Bye, Mom. - Okay. 7 00:00:19,193 --> 00:00:21,412 Be safe out there, Drew, Chris, or Tonya. 8 00:00:21,499 --> 00:00:23,501 Up next, we're gonna discuss 9 00:00:23,588 --> 00:00:25,460 the dangers of brothers who aren't friends. 10 00:00:28,898 --> 00:00:30,900 Distant siblings today, 11 00:00:30,987 --> 00:00:33,816 crackheads and murderers tomorrow. 12 00:00:33,903 --> 00:00:36,732 Why aren't you and Drew going to school together? 13 00:00:36,819 --> 00:00:39,039 Uh, we don't really hang out there. 14 00:00:44,479 --> 00:00:46,524 What? Y'all ain't friends at school? 15 00:00:46,611 --> 00:00:48,700 Do you want him to be a crackhead murderer? 16 00:00:48,787 --> 00:00:50,441 No? 17 00:00:50,528 --> 00:00:52,922 You and your brother should be inseparable, 18 00:00:53,009 --> 00:00:54,619 like best friends. 19 00:00:54,706 --> 00:00:56,839 I don't want him ending up in the wrong crowd. 20 00:00:56,926 --> 00:00:59,320 You better stick to each other like Cain and Abel. 21 00:00:59,407 --> 00:01:01,539 She just read "The Bible for Dummies." 22 00:01:01,626 --> 00:01:03,324 Why? Drew's friends are harmless. 23 00:01:03,411 --> 00:01:04,890 Most of them belong to a dojo. 24 00:01:04,977 --> 00:01:07,502 Dojo one day, white blow the next. 25 00:01:07,589 --> 00:01:09,591 It's your job to look out for him. 26 00:01:09,678 --> 00:01:12,202 And if you don't, you're gonna have to look out for this. 27 00:01:17,294 --> 00:01:19,949 Drew! Wait. 28 00:01:20,036 --> 00:01:23,039 Wouldn't it be fun if you rode the bus today with me? 29 00:01:23,126 --> 00:01:24,084 Please? 30 00:01:24,171 --> 00:01:25,998 Mm, okay, sure. 31 00:01:26,086 --> 00:01:27,304 Go on without me. 32 00:01:27,391 --> 00:01:28,740 all: Aw. 33 00:01:28,827 --> 00:01:31,221 This is the worst day of my life. 34 00:01:31,308 --> 00:01:32,918 Crap. 35 00:01:33,005 --> 00:01:35,312 Jerome's out on the stoop today. 36 00:01:35,399 --> 00:01:37,271 What's up, little dude from across the street? 37 00:01:37,358 --> 00:01:38,359 Let me hold a dollar. 38 00:01:43,581 --> 00:01:46,106 Oh, my Black Jesus. 39 00:01:46,193 --> 00:01:47,672 Let me give you a dollar. 40 00:01:47,759 --> 00:01:49,370 - Uh? - Thanks. 41 00:01:49,457 --> 00:01:51,502 This will replace the one I lost doing magic. 42 00:01:51,589 --> 00:01:53,461 And here's a little something for you, Drew's brother. 43 00:01:53,548 --> 00:01:55,376 Ow. What the f-- 44 00:01:55,463 --> 00:01:56,855 Shoot. 45 00:02:02,383 --> 00:02:03,558 No seats. 46 00:02:03,645 --> 00:02:05,299 Here you go, Drew. 47 00:02:05,386 --> 00:02:06,343 Take mine. 48 00:02:08,389 --> 00:02:09,303 Here, Drew. 49 00:02:09,390 --> 00:02:10,565 Please, sit. 50 00:02:13,785 --> 00:02:15,657 Whoo! 51 00:02:15,744 --> 00:02:18,529 Next, Nancy Reagan shows us how to give the perfect-- 52 00:02:18,616 --> 00:02:19,878 Tonya, don't go yet. 53 00:02:19,965 --> 00:02:21,402 Now that Drew is going to Chris's school, 54 00:02:21,489 --> 00:02:23,273 you'll be the first one home every day. 55 00:02:23,360 --> 00:02:26,755 So we've decided you're ready for your own key. 56 00:02:31,412 --> 00:02:33,805 By the power of this key, 57 00:02:33,892 --> 00:02:38,767 I am a grown-up! 58 00:02:38,854 --> 00:02:40,464 I can't believe it. 59 00:02:40,551 --> 00:02:42,597 My little girl's a latchkey kid. 60 00:02:42,684 --> 00:02:44,294 Finally. 61 00:02:44,381 --> 00:02:45,861 Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you. 62 00:02:45,948 --> 00:02:48,385 Hold on. This is a big responsibility. 63 00:02:48,472 --> 00:02:50,039 We're trusting you to let yourself in 64 00:02:50,126 --> 00:02:51,823 and mind the house alone. 65 00:02:51,910 --> 00:02:54,086 Don't flash the key around, don't let anyone in, 66 00:02:54,174 --> 00:02:56,045 and keep all the windows and doors locked. 67 00:02:56,132 --> 00:02:58,134 You think burglars don't know how to climb? 68 00:02:58,221 --> 00:03:00,005 Their hands are good for two things-- 69 00:03:00,092 --> 00:03:01,746 climbing and burglaring. 70 00:03:01,833 --> 00:03:04,053 Okay, get going. Love you, baby. 71 00:03:05,881 --> 00:03:06,969 Ah! 72 00:03:07,056 --> 00:03:08,927 Son of a bitch. 73 00:03:09,014 --> 00:03:11,016 And now we're gonna hear from a parent 74 00:03:11,103 --> 00:03:13,932 whose son chased a slinky off a bridge. 75 00:03:14,019 --> 00:03:16,587 Rochelle, guess what I got. 76 00:03:16,674 --> 00:03:18,328 I know what you got. It got me three kids. 77 00:03:18,415 --> 00:03:19,764 No. 78 00:03:19,851 --> 00:03:21,810 It's a two-for-one coupon for that seafood place 79 00:03:21,897 --> 00:03:23,812 that also plays baseball games. 80 00:03:23,899 --> 00:03:25,292 Catch of the Day. 81 00:03:25,379 --> 00:03:26,815 Let's do a date night there. 82 00:03:26,902 --> 00:03:29,165 I'm not going to no seafood restaurant. 83 00:03:29,252 --> 00:03:31,036 Sally Jessy did an episode where 84 00:03:31,123 --> 00:03:34,126 a beautiful, hardworking mother of three ate fish, 85 00:03:34,214 --> 00:03:35,650 and do you know what happened? 86 00:03:35,737 --> 00:03:36,912 She thanked her husband for dinner? 87 00:03:36,999 --> 00:03:39,088 She got gills, Julius. 88 00:03:39,175 --> 00:03:41,873 You won't catch me eating no fish ever again. 89 00:03:41,960 --> 00:03:43,397 Why don't you take one of your friends? 90 00:03:43,484 --> 00:03:44,615 Friends? 91 00:03:44,702 --> 00:03:46,574 I got three kids, two jobs, one wife, 92 00:03:46,661 --> 00:03:48,445 and zero seconds of free time. 93 00:03:48,532 --> 00:03:49,707 Adult friends are for rich people. 94 00:03:49,794 --> 00:03:50,926 Oh, come on. 95 00:03:51,013 --> 00:03:52,754 You've got plenty of friends. 96 00:03:52,841 --> 00:03:54,408 Well, what about-- 97 00:03:57,237 --> 00:03:58,499 Well, have fun at work, sweetie. 98 00:04:00,501 --> 00:04:01,850 You didn't get robbed. 99 00:04:01,937 --> 00:04:03,939 You got a seat on the bus, and the driver 100 00:04:04,026 --> 00:04:05,288 gave you a lollipop? 101 00:04:05,375 --> 00:04:07,508 - Weird, right? - Weird great. 102 00:04:07,595 --> 00:04:10,250 When you're with Drew, you get trickle-down popularity. 103 00:04:10,337 --> 00:04:11,816 His trickles are all over you. 104 00:04:11,903 --> 00:04:13,514 I don't want his trickles if it means 105 00:04:13,601 --> 00:04:15,080 I'm just known as "Drew's brother." 106 00:04:15,167 --> 00:04:17,735 Look, it's already happening, and we gotta reap the benefits. 107 00:04:19,171 --> 00:04:20,477 I guess if people see me with him, 108 00:04:20,564 --> 00:04:21,435 they'll think I'm cool too. 109 00:04:21,522 --> 00:04:22,784 Exactly. 110 00:04:22,871 --> 00:04:25,656 People will think we're cool too. 111 00:04:25,743 --> 00:04:27,179 'Sup, girl? 112 00:04:27,267 --> 00:04:29,356 I'm Drew's brother's brother from another mother. 113 00:04:31,532 --> 00:04:32,620 Hmm. 114 00:04:34,752 --> 00:04:36,928 Before there was "American Ninja Warrior," 115 00:04:37,015 --> 00:04:41,193 my dad was the American no-time-for-friends warrior. 116 00:04:49,680 --> 00:04:52,204 He dodged situations that could lead to friendship 117 00:04:52,292 --> 00:04:54,555 like Wesley Snipes dodged taxes. 118 00:04:54,642 --> 00:04:56,208 Morning, Julius. 119 00:04:56,296 --> 00:04:58,559 My one-man show "The Great Fatsby" is this weekend. 120 00:04:59,777 --> 00:05:01,039 I'd love for you to come! 121 00:05:02,911 --> 00:05:04,478 Did you hear? 122 00:05:04,565 --> 00:05:05,827 My doctor said the leaking is totally normal. 123 00:05:05,914 --> 00:05:08,395 Julius, I need your help. 124 00:05:08,482 --> 00:05:09,874 I just backed my truck into one of our co-- 125 00:05:21,582 --> 00:05:22,626 Howdy. 126 00:05:22,713 --> 00:05:24,236 Damn it! - Uh-oh. 127 00:05:24,324 --> 00:05:26,717 - Who are you? - The name's Romeo. 128 00:05:26,804 --> 00:05:28,806 First day. 129 00:05:28,893 --> 00:05:31,243 Yeah, you know, uh, bosses said it'll take a week 130 00:05:31,331 --> 00:05:34,290 to get my truck ready and, uh, to, uh, 131 00:05:34,377 --> 00:05:37,989 tack on my deliveries onto yours. 132 00:05:38,076 --> 00:05:39,426 Heh. Yeah. 133 00:05:43,865 --> 00:05:45,127 Okay. 134 00:05:48,260 --> 00:05:50,524 Hey. I was just looking for you. 135 00:05:50,611 --> 00:05:52,308 Wanna go on a date with us? - Date? 136 00:05:52,395 --> 00:05:53,744 Yes! 137 00:05:53,831 --> 00:05:55,137 Oh, God, I never thought this would happen for me. 138 00:05:55,224 --> 00:05:56,747 We meant with Drew. 139 00:05:56,834 --> 00:05:58,401 Cool. Sounds like fun. 140 00:05:58,488 --> 00:06:00,403 But you can come, too... 141 00:06:00,490 --> 00:06:02,536 Drew's brother. 142 00:06:06,104 --> 00:06:07,671 Greg was right. 143 00:06:07,758 --> 00:06:09,978 Even if it meant being stuck in Drew's shadow 144 00:06:10,065 --> 00:06:12,981 and seen as Drew's brother, I didn't care, 145 00:06:13,068 --> 00:06:14,939 because Drew's brother had a date. 146 00:06:15,026 --> 00:06:17,333 Well, Drew had it, but I'd be there, 147 00:06:17,420 --> 00:06:19,422 and he can't multitask. 148 00:06:23,426 --> 00:06:25,515 If I don't get inside, Mama's gonna kill me, 149 00:06:25,602 --> 00:06:27,387 Mr. Omar's gonna have to plan my funeral. 150 00:06:27,474 --> 00:06:29,389 Mr. Omar! 151 00:06:29,476 --> 00:06:30,738 That's it! - W--what's it? 152 00:06:30,825 --> 00:06:32,392 What did you find? - Oh, hey, Kill Moves. 153 00:06:32,479 --> 00:06:34,089 I figured out how to get into the apartment 154 00:06:34,176 --> 00:06:36,004 before Mama's done with her errands. 155 00:06:36,091 --> 00:06:38,223 And I just remembered Mr. Omar always comes home 156 00:06:38,310 --> 00:06:41,009 at 3:15 to console a widow. 157 00:06:41,096 --> 00:06:42,227 Excuse me. 158 00:06:42,314 --> 00:06:43,968 I'm being summoned by my dark lord. 159 00:06:47,232 --> 00:06:48,364 Thanks, Mr. Omar. 160 00:06:48,451 --> 00:06:49,844 See you tomorrow at 3:15. 161 00:06:49,931 --> 00:06:52,455 Actually, Miss Tonya, no, you will not. 162 00:06:52,542 --> 00:06:55,893 I'll be at a casket convention in Atlantic City. 163 00:06:55,980 --> 00:06:56,938 Tragic! 164 00:06:58,156 --> 00:07:00,245 Atlantic City? What? 165 00:07:00,332 --> 00:07:01,682 Come on, sweet cheeks. 166 00:07:01,769 --> 00:07:04,032 Let's fill that hole in your heart. 167 00:07:09,254 --> 00:07:10,995 How was your day, baby? 168 00:07:11,082 --> 00:07:13,215 Informative. 169 00:07:13,302 --> 00:07:16,305 I watched a Sally Jessy episode about how men can get pregnant; 170 00:07:16,392 --> 00:07:18,089 they just choose not to. 171 00:07:18,176 --> 00:07:20,701 That's great. 172 00:07:20,788 --> 00:07:22,572 Oh, God, am I pregnant? We can't afford a new baby. 173 00:07:22,659 --> 00:07:24,139 We can't afford our old babies! 174 00:07:24,226 --> 00:07:26,097 Julius, calm down. 175 00:07:26,184 --> 00:07:27,925 I wanna hear about your day. 176 00:07:28,012 --> 00:07:31,581 Oh. I had coffee, ate half a donut. 177 00:07:33,714 --> 00:07:35,629 Shared my truck with a guy named Romeo, 178 00:07:35,716 --> 00:07:37,805 ate the other half of the donut. 179 00:07:39,546 --> 00:07:40,198 Hold up. 180 00:07:40,285 --> 00:07:41,286 You have a truck buddy? 181 00:07:41,373 --> 00:07:42,810 That's great, baby. 182 00:07:42,897 --> 00:07:44,899 What's he like? What y'all talk about? 183 00:07:44,986 --> 00:07:46,683 Uh... 184 00:07:54,735 --> 00:07:58,042 Julius, that poor man didn't ask to be stuck with you. 185 00:07:58,129 --> 00:08:00,392 The least you could do is be nice to him. 186 00:08:00,480 --> 00:08:02,133 The least you can do is let me sleep. 187 00:08:02,220 --> 00:08:05,267 Sally Jessy also said men who sass their wives 188 00:08:05,354 --> 00:08:07,312 mysteriously disappear. 189 00:08:07,399 --> 00:08:09,010 See you in the morning. 190 00:08:09,097 --> 00:08:10,925 Maybe. - Eep. 191 00:08:14,276 --> 00:08:16,626 Where's that damn spare key? 192 00:08:16,713 --> 00:08:17,975 Tonya, what are you doing? 193 00:08:18,062 --> 00:08:19,411 Nothing, Mama. 194 00:08:19,499 --> 00:08:21,501 I thought you were out. What are you doing? 195 00:08:21,588 --> 00:08:23,154 Walking around in my house. 196 00:08:23,241 --> 00:08:25,243 Ooh, I'm glad you haven't left for school yet. 197 00:08:25,330 --> 00:08:26,201 Come here. 198 00:08:27,811 --> 00:08:29,857 This meat needs to thaw before dinner. 199 00:08:29,944 --> 00:08:31,554 I have a hair appointment this afternoon, 200 00:08:31,641 --> 00:08:33,382 so I need you to put it in the oven 201 00:08:33,469 --> 00:08:36,037 right when you get home at 2:30 and not a minute after. 202 00:08:36,124 --> 00:08:37,778 The second worst thing after a burglar 203 00:08:37,865 --> 00:08:39,910 is salmonella, the burglars of meat. 204 00:08:39,997 --> 00:08:40,650 Yes, Mama. 205 00:08:42,913 --> 00:08:43,914 Crap. 206 00:08:44,001 --> 00:08:46,047 Now how am I gonna get in today? 207 00:08:47,352 --> 00:08:49,137 The window. 208 00:08:52,009 --> 00:08:56,710 Tonya, this is why you're everyone's favorite. 209 00:08:56,797 --> 00:08:58,712 Phil Hartman might be the funniest 210 00:08:58,799 --> 00:09:00,757 "SNL" cast member right now. - What? 211 00:09:00,844 --> 00:09:02,716 Eddie Murphy's the all-time best 212 00:09:02,803 --> 00:09:03,891 for that James Brown sketch alone. 213 00:09:03,978 --> 00:09:05,109 Uh, good God! 214 00:09:05,196 --> 00:09:06,807 Eddie Murphy is the all-time best 215 00:09:06,894 --> 00:09:09,244 for that James Brown sketch alone. 216 00:09:09,331 --> 00:09:11,420 Uh, that's what I just said. 217 00:09:11,507 --> 00:09:13,727 Hello? Can you guys hear me? 218 00:09:13,814 --> 00:09:15,859 By being in Drew's shadow, 219 00:09:15,946 --> 00:09:18,209 I ended up with no identity at all. 220 00:09:18,296 --> 00:09:20,429 I was like the Asian dude in Black Eyed Peas. 221 00:09:20,516 --> 00:09:21,604 Hey, Drew. 222 00:09:21,691 --> 00:09:22,692 Where's Drew's brother? 223 00:09:22,779 --> 00:09:24,955 Brandy! I'm right here! 224 00:09:25,042 --> 00:09:27,262 Yeah, I haven't seen Drew's brother all day. 225 00:09:27,349 --> 00:09:28,655 Hello. 226 00:09:28,742 --> 00:09:30,134 Drew's brother, right behind you. 227 00:09:30,221 --> 00:09:31,832 Mm, that's too bad. 228 00:09:31,919 --> 00:09:33,834 I was gonna let him take me out and pay for everything, 229 00:09:33,921 --> 00:09:34,835 but for some reason, I just don't 230 00:09:34,922 --> 00:09:36,097 feel like using him anymore. 231 00:09:36,184 --> 00:09:39,796 No! 232 00:09:43,583 --> 00:09:44,888 Morning, Julius. 233 00:09:44,975 --> 00:09:46,673 Ah. 234 00:09:46,760 --> 00:09:49,371 both: Coffee, sugar, cream, cream, cream. 235 00:09:49,458 --> 00:09:51,025 Huh. 236 00:09:51,112 --> 00:09:52,200 We're cream brothers. 237 00:09:52,287 --> 00:09:53,810 Ew. 238 00:09:55,507 --> 00:09:58,554 The least you can do is be nice. 239 00:10:00,425 --> 00:10:01,644 Don't you stir me away, Ju-- 240 00:10:04,516 --> 00:10:08,956 Romeo, uh, if you get a coffee when they restock, 241 00:10:09,043 --> 00:10:13,003 you can take a few extra Styrofoam cups. 242 00:10:13,090 --> 00:10:14,701 Never mind. 243 00:10:14,788 --> 00:10:18,313 You know, um, if you come between 8:50 and 9:00 a.m., 244 00:10:18,400 --> 00:10:21,272 you can take the day-old donuts before they're trashed. 245 00:10:21,359 --> 00:10:24,493 I'm pretty cheap. 246 00:10:24,580 --> 00:10:26,103 Me too. 247 00:10:26,190 --> 00:10:27,235 You ever made your own toothbrush? 248 00:10:27,322 --> 00:10:28,889 Why? 249 00:10:28,976 --> 00:10:30,499 I got a perfectly good one right here. 250 00:10:30,586 --> 00:10:32,414 Damn. 251 00:10:33,807 --> 00:10:35,460 Greg, can you see me? 252 00:10:35,547 --> 00:10:36,592 Yes. 253 00:10:36,679 --> 00:10:38,986 Uh, why wouldn't I be able to? 254 00:10:39,073 --> 00:10:40,727 Because no one else can. Wait. 255 00:10:40,814 --> 00:10:42,424 Maybe you can see me 256 00:10:42,511 --> 00:10:44,861 because you're an even bigger loser than I am. 257 00:10:44,948 --> 00:10:47,211 Yeah, exactly. Wait, I don't want that. 258 00:10:47,298 --> 00:10:49,387 Being Drew's brother has made me a nobody, 259 00:10:49,474 --> 00:10:51,999 and I need to figure out how to get out of his shadow. 260 00:10:52,086 --> 00:10:53,827 Okay, but would you rather go back to being 261 00:10:53,914 --> 00:10:55,306 a skinny nerd that everyone hates? 262 00:10:55,393 --> 00:10:57,874 What? No. Both are terrible options. 263 00:10:57,961 --> 00:11:00,137 I wanna have my own cool thing. 264 00:11:00,224 --> 00:11:02,836 That day I tried anything and everything 265 00:11:02,923 --> 00:11:05,577 to create a new identity. 266 00:11:05,665 --> 00:11:07,014 Backpack in front guy! 267 00:11:07,101 --> 00:11:07,841 No. 268 00:11:09,625 --> 00:11:11,540 Literal class clown guy. 269 00:11:11,627 --> 00:11:14,021 - No. - Damn it. 270 00:11:14,108 --> 00:11:17,154 Antihero teen heartthrob guy. 271 00:11:17,241 --> 00:11:18,852 - No one's gonna buy that. - Hey, guys. What's up? 272 00:11:18,939 --> 00:11:20,070 Oh, good God! 273 00:11:20,157 --> 00:11:22,551 Chris, that was dope. 274 00:11:22,638 --> 00:11:25,162 You guys, check this out. 275 00:11:25,249 --> 00:11:26,598 Uh... 276 00:11:28,426 --> 00:11:30,037 It's too hot in the hot tub. 277 00:11:30,124 --> 00:11:31,821 Eddie Murphy? 278 00:11:31,908 --> 00:11:33,954 That's funny. 279 00:11:34,041 --> 00:11:35,346 Hey, you're really good at that. 280 00:11:35,433 --> 00:11:36,870 Wow, you did it. 281 00:11:36,957 --> 00:11:38,132 You're out of Drew's shadow, 282 00:11:38,219 --> 00:11:39,873 and you found your own personality. 283 00:11:39,960 --> 00:11:41,265 Doing an impression of a guy 284 00:11:41,352 --> 00:11:43,528 doing an impression of another guy. 285 00:11:50,710 --> 00:11:54,409 If there's a burglar, I'll cut your burgling hands. 286 00:12:03,723 --> 00:12:06,508 That's what I thought. 287 00:12:06,595 --> 00:12:09,729 Our next guests are the four elderly prostitutes 288 00:12:09,816 --> 00:12:11,643 who inspired "Golden Girls." 289 00:12:11,731 --> 00:12:12,993 What are you doing home? 290 00:12:13,080 --> 00:12:14,429 I finished my deliveries early, 291 00:12:14,516 --> 00:12:15,865 and I've wanted to nap before going back. 292 00:12:15,952 --> 00:12:17,475 How nice. 293 00:12:17,562 --> 00:12:20,304 Did a certain new friend have something to do with it? 294 00:12:20,391 --> 00:12:21,958 He might have. 295 00:12:22,045 --> 00:12:23,612 Just say I was right, Julius. 296 00:12:23,699 --> 00:12:25,309 Of course you were right. 297 00:12:25,396 --> 00:12:26,833 Romeo and I actually have a lot in common. 298 00:12:26,920 --> 00:12:28,138 In fact, we're getting dinner. 299 00:12:28,225 --> 00:12:30,488 Oh, that's great, baby, 300 00:12:30,575 --> 00:12:32,664 especially 'cause now I don't have to go. 301 00:12:32,752 --> 00:12:34,797 I bet his wife would be happy to have a night 302 00:12:34,884 --> 00:12:36,625 to herself too. - Oh, no wife. 303 00:12:36,712 --> 00:12:37,582 He's single. - Nope. 304 00:12:37,669 --> 00:12:39,454 Can't ever see him again. 305 00:12:39,541 --> 00:12:42,152 Rochelle, you can't tell me who I can and can't see. 306 00:12:42,239 --> 00:12:44,415 Julius, single men his age are trouble. 307 00:12:44,502 --> 00:12:46,940 They go to strip clubs, have weird pets. 308 00:12:47,027 --> 00:12:47,941 Their lips are always chapped. 309 00:12:48,028 --> 00:12:49,594 Rochelle, that's crazy. 310 00:12:49,681 --> 00:12:51,945 Let me guess-- that's what Sally said? 311 00:12:52,032 --> 00:12:53,163 You gotta watch something else. 312 00:12:53,250 --> 00:12:54,948 She said you would say that. 313 00:12:55,035 --> 00:12:56,036 I think you're overreacting. 314 00:12:56,123 --> 00:12:57,864 Look at that. 315 00:12:57,951 --> 00:12:59,691 Nap time's over. Back to work. 316 00:13:00,692 --> 00:13:02,912 Oh. 317 00:13:02,999 --> 00:13:04,827 My man works so hard, 318 00:13:04,914 --> 00:13:07,438 and I wish I hadn't pushed him to make friends. 319 00:13:07,525 --> 00:13:10,746 Now he has no jobs, two wives, and six kids. 320 00:13:12,226 --> 00:13:13,662 To think this wouldn't have happened 321 00:13:13,749 --> 00:13:16,621 if you let your man live his life, Rochelle. 322 00:13:18,101 --> 00:13:19,711 You don't know me, Sally. 323 00:13:19,799 --> 00:13:20,887 I'm done. 324 00:13:22,976 --> 00:13:26,675 Chris, I heard you do a good Eddie Murphy. 325 00:13:26,762 --> 00:13:27,937 I love him. 326 00:13:28,024 --> 00:13:29,852 He's the right kinda you people. 327 00:13:29,939 --> 00:13:31,419 Stand up and let me see it. 328 00:13:31,506 --> 00:13:32,899 Okay. 329 00:13:32,986 --> 00:13:35,597 If you insist. 330 00:13:35,684 --> 00:13:37,033 Do you think we got a pop quiz? 331 00:13:37,120 --> 00:13:39,079 Ah, ah. I think we got a pop quiz. 332 00:13:39,166 --> 00:13:40,515 Good God! Hey! 333 00:13:42,996 --> 00:13:45,085 Ow. - You're not funny. 334 00:13:45,172 --> 00:13:46,738 The only reason people are laughing 335 00:13:46,826 --> 00:13:47,914 is 'cause Drew told them to. 336 00:13:48,001 --> 00:13:49,567 You suck, James Black. 337 00:13:52,744 --> 00:13:53,876 That's funny? 338 00:13:56,531 --> 00:13:58,011 What the hell? 339 00:13:58,098 --> 00:13:59,447 It's closed! 340 00:13:59,534 --> 00:14:02,189 Oh, no. 341 00:14:02,276 --> 00:14:03,930 The meat burglars. 342 00:14:06,802 --> 00:14:10,110 all: 343 00:14:18,509 --> 00:14:21,425 Salmonella! Salmonella! 344 00:14:23,601 --> 00:14:27,170 If that salmonella don't kill me, my mama will. 345 00:14:27,257 --> 00:14:29,390 Did you tell people to laugh at my impressions? 346 00:14:29,477 --> 00:14:30,826 Yeah. What's the big deal? 347 00:14:30,913 --> 00:14:33,133 Do you know how that feels? 348 00:14:41,968 --> 00:14:44,796 The big deal is that it's embarrassing. 349 00:14:44,884 --> 00:14:47,538 Well, Mom asked me to look out for you, so... 350 00:14:47,625 --> 00:14:49,149 But I'm your older brother. 351 00:14:49,236 --> 00:14:50,715 I'm the one who's supposed to be looking out for you. 352 00:14:50,802 --> 00:14:54,284 How could you look out for me? 353 00:14:57,766 --> 00:14:59,246 Hey! 354 00:14:59,333 --> 00:15:01,552 As Sensei Jason says, hugs before shoves, 355 00:15:01,639 --> 00:15:03,685 but shoves deserve shoves. 356 00:15:05,382 --> 00:15:09,256 crowd: Drew! Drew! Drew! 357 00:15:09,343 --> 00:15:10,953 I hate going to school with you. 358 00:15:12,955 --> 00:15:14,739 You ripped my favorite shirt. 359 00:15:16,219 --> 00:15:18,265 Oh, that was an accident. 360 00:15:20,702 --> 00:15:22,312 Ah! 361 00:15:22,399 --> 00:15:23,879 If that kick had been one inch lower, 362 00:15:23,966 --> 00:15:25,228 I wouldn't have kids. 363 00:15:28,014 --> 00:15:29,624 I'm so busted. 364 00:15:29,711 --> 00:15:31,104 What you doing, little unfunny dude 365 00:15:31,191 --> 00:15:32,714 from across the street sister? 366 00:15:32,801 --> 00:15:34,324 I lost my house key and can't get back in. 367 00:15:34,411 --> 00:15:36,413 My parents are gonna be pissed. 368 00:15:36,500 --> 00:15:37,675 No problem, shorty. 369 00:15:37,762 --> 00:15:38,633 I got you. 370 00:15:39,764 --> 00:15:41,070 Jerome! 371 00:15:41,157 --> 00:15:42,942 You broke our window! 372 00:15:43,029 --> 00:15:45,205 You're welcome. 373 00:15:56,216 --> 00:15:57,478 This isn't the last of us! 374 00:16:04,702 --> 00:16:08,184 Now, how do I blame this on Chris? 375 00:16:08,271 --> 00:16:11,666 Hey-hey, Big J. Ah, excited for tonight. 376 00:16:11,753 --> 00:16:13,537 You know, your, uh-- your boy here 377 00:16:13,624 --> 00:16:15,887 doesn't go out to restaurants that much. 378 00:16:15,975 --> 00:16:17,498 You're married to your job. 379 00:16:17,585 --> 00:16:18,934 Hell, I would be, too, if I hadn't 380 00:16:19,021 --> 00:16:20,327 already married Rochelle. 381 00:16:20,414 --> 00:16:22,372 No, because I just eat at the strip club. 382 00:16:22,459 --> 00:16:23,504 Oh. 383 00:16:23,591 --> 00:16:25,723 Speaking of, let me say thanks 384 00:16:25,810 --> 00:16:28,030 for dinner by taking you to dessert at, uh, 385 00:16:28,117 --> 00:16:29,945 Jiggle 'n Juice. 386 00:16:30,032 --> 00:16:32,426 Uh, I don't know. 387 00:16:32,513 --> 00:16:35,690 Come on, they have unlimited breasts and thighs. 388 00:16:35,777 --> 00:16:37,039 And chicken. 389 00:16:37,126 --> 00:16:38,345 The cover is 50 bucks, 390 00:16:38,432 --> 00:16:40,303 but you get ten minutes in the Rosé Room. 391 00:16:40,390 --> 00:16:41,565 $50? 392 00:16:41,652 --> 00:16:43,263 I thought you said you were cheap. 393 00:16:43,350 --> 00:16:46,005 I am--so I can spend money on my true passions. 394 00:16:46,092 --> 00:16:49,486 Strippers, sparkling wine, and my jaguar. 395 00:16:49,573 --> 00:16:50,835 You drive a Jaguar? 396 00:16:50,922 --> 00:16:53,490 No! The animal. 397 00:16:53,577 --> 00:16:56,406 Ah, not supposed to have it in my apartment, but, God, 398 00:16:56,493 --> 00:16:58,321 he's barely attacked anyone but me. 399 00:16:58,408 --> 00:17:00,367 Whoa. Ugh. 400 00:17:01,672 --> 00:17:04,110 Romeo, I'm a family man. 401 00:17:04,197 --> 00:17:06,068 So, sadly, I'm gonna have to take 402 00:17:06,155 --> 00:17:08,157 a forever rain check on all that. 403 00:17:10,246 --> 00:17:14,685 Guess we can, uh, only be work friends, then, huh? 404 00:17:23,738 --> 00:17:27,829 Uh, I should go see if my truck's ready. 405 00:17:27,916 --> 00:17:29,787 Hey, we'll always have 406 00:17:29,874 --> 00:17:31,659 coffee, sugar, cream, cream, cream. 407 00:17:31,746 --> 00:17:33,791 Yeah. 408 00:17:33,878 --> 00:17:34,966 Hey, Marquis! 409 00:17:35,054 --> 00:17:36,707 See you at the Jiggle? 410 00:17:40,537 --> 00:17:42,539 Hmm, what happened to Drew's shirt? 411 00:17:42,626 --> 00:17:44,976 And why are you holding your nuts? 412 00:17:45,064 --> 00:17:47,762 Uh, Drew and I got into a fight about-- 413 00:17:47,849 --> 00:17:49,633 oh, never mind. 414 00:17:49,720 --> 00:17:50,765 It's none of your business. 415 00:17:50,852 --> 00:17:53,028 Boys, groceries! 416 00:17:57,989 --> 00:18:00,340 I envy you boys. 417 00:18:00,427 --> 00:18:02,298 It's hard making new friends. 418 00:18:02,385 --> 00:18:05,214 The older you get, the less in common you have with folks. 419 00:18:05,301 --> 00:18:07,651 All the friends I had when I was younger are gone. 420 00:18:07,738 --> 00:18:11,133 Some moved, some died, some became cops. 421 00:18:11,220 --> 00:18:13,440 You boys are lucky you have each other. 422 00:18:13,527 --> 00:18:16,007 A brother's someone you always have time for. 423 00:18:16,095 --> 00:18:17,531 He's a built-in friend. 424 00:18:17,618 --> 00:18:19,141 Like you and Uncle Louis? 425 00:18:19,228 --> 00:18:21,187 No. That chiropractor show-off. 426 00:18:21,274 --> 00:18:23,189 He can rot in fake doctor hell, 427 00:18:23,276 --> 00:18:25,321 right next to the podiatrists and dentists. 428 00:18:25,408 --> 00:18:27,018 Okay, my bad. Jeez. 429 00:18:27,106 --> 00:18:28,542 Boys, go wash up for dinner. 430 00:18:28,629 --> 00:18:30,326 I'll help your dad with the rest. 431 00:18:30,413 --> 00:18:32,154 Did you say something to Dad, you narc? 432 00:18:32,241 --> 00:18:33,634 No. 433 00:18:33,721 --> 00:18:35,636 He's probably just reflecting on his day, fool. 434 00:18:35,723 --> 00:18:37,116 Hey, baby. 435 00:18:37,203 --> 00:18:39,161 - You were right. - I know. 436 00:18:39,248 --> 00:18:40,380 About what? 437 00:18:40,467 --> 00:18:41,642 Let's just say me and Romeo 438 00:18:41,729 --> 00:18:43,818 are only gonna be work friends. 439 00:18:43,905 --> 00:18:47,343 I guess I won't be using this. 440 00:18:47,430 --> 00:18:48,953 Pfft. You think we're rich? 441 00:18:49,040 --> 00:18:50,694 We can't waste a coupon. 442 00:18:50,781 --> 00:18:52,566 Date night? - Ah. 443 00:18:52,653 --> 00:18:54,263 Dinner with my best friend and wife? 444 00:18:54,350 --> 00:18:57,962 Best two-for-one there is. 445 00:18:58,049 --> 00:18:59,573 He had a pet tiger, didn't he? 446 00:18:59,660 --> 00:19:01,052 - Nope. - Panther? 447 00:19:01,140 --> 00:19:02,924 Leopard. Snow leopard. 448 00:19:06,971 --> 00:19:08,582 Aw, thanks for helping. 449 00:19:08,669 --> 00:19:10,758 It's nice to be able to rely on you. 450 00:19:10,845 --> 00:19:12,847 Oh, Mama, if only you could. 451 00:19:12,934 --> 00:19:15,937 I--I feel awful, Mama. Awful. 452 00:19:16,024 --> 00:19:17,504 I had to break a window to get in and-- 453 00:19:17,591 --> 00:19:18,766 You what? 454 00:19:18,853 --> 00:19:21,334 Drew and Chris got into a fight, 455 00:19:21,421 --> 00:19:23,031 and the thought of my brothers fighting 456 00:19:23,118 --> 00:19:26,165 broke my heart so much that I forgot where I put my key, 457 00:19:26,252 --> 00:19:28,776 and I got locked out. 458 00:19:28,863 --> 00:19:30,908 Oh, baby, it's okay. 459 00:19:30,995 --> 00:19:33,520 Go ask Daddy, and he'll get you another key. 460 00:19:33,607 --> 00:19:35,478 Tonya got away with it again. 461 00:19:35,565 --> 00:19:37,654 But I got her back on her wedding day. 462 00:19:37,741 --> 00:19:40,091 I upstaged her by just showing up. 463 00:19:40,179 --> 00:19:41,745 Excuse me. 464 00:19:41,832 --> 00:19:43,007 I need to deal with your brothers. 465 00:19:45,358 --> 00:19:47,969 So, uh, is your shirt ripped that bad? 466 00:19:48,056 --> 00:19:50,189 Nah. I'm sure Mom could fix it. 467 00:19:50,276 --> 00:19:52,756 Are your, you know, okay? 468 00:19:52,843 --> 00:19:54,280 I don't know yet. 469 00:19:54,367 --> 00:19:56,543 It's like they're morphed into one. 470 00:19:56,630 --> 00:19:58,545 We admitted respect for each other 471 00:19:58,632 --> 00:20:00,416 the way every man does with his friends, 472 00:20:00,503 --> 00:20:03,376 by not admitting a damn thing. 473 00:20:05,291 --> 00:20:08,119 You were fighting? 474 00:20:08,207 --> 00:20:10,078 I told both of you to stick together 475 00:20:10,165 --> 00:20:11,514 so you wouldn't get in trouble and-- 476 00:20:11,601 --> 00:20:13,168 both: It's my fault. 477 00:20:13,255 --> 00:20:14,648 So if you're gonna punish us... 478 00:20:14,735 --> 00:20:16,606 You'll have to punish both of us. 479 00:20:16,693 --> 00:20:19,435 Sticking together now, huh? 480 00:20:19,522 --> 00:20:20,958 Well, I'm glad my boys are friends. 481 00:20:22,743 --> 00:20:24,005 But that ain't how this works. 482 00:20:24,092 --> 00:20:25,702 Chris, you're the oldest, 483 00:20:25,789 --> 00:20:27,617 and you should set a better example for your brother. 484 00:20:27,704 --> 00:20:29,010 You know better. 485 00:20:29,097 --> 00:20:30,751 Drew, leave us. 486 00:20:34,581 --> 00:20:37,410 I'm gonna slap you into next Tuesday. 487 00:20:37,497 --> 00:20:39,890 Well, Sally, I was just sitting there 488 00:20:39,977 --> 00:20:41,631 on a random Tuesday, 489 00:20:41,718 --> 00:20:43,807 and then this other Chris showed up. 490 00:20:43,894 --> 00:20:46,288 But there can be only one. 491 00:20:46,375 --> 00:20:50,336 singers: ♪ Everybody still hates Chris ♪